How can we have a few that have us as their best friends, who no longer want them?

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Posted by: Newswalle

About 10 years ago, my husband and in a new area Imoved. We arrived this nature around us, and because the hotel was cheap, comoparapoder afford a house with land. Not Wewere for a social life aswe have enough friends, many ofwhom are scattered all over the world; Inevitably, however, we connect with the people here. This arelovely people as neighbors, but not really the kind of friends who can share with our deepest being. This is in order to know with most people who have come, but there are some that are very good friends come to mind because they dished up time with us and speaks of a different kind than others know them.

Above all that, and even though we often do not tell, invitations, we are happy enough to be seen occasionally. We imagine that naïve as we were, happy to have the odd meal together, but not often and not particularly desperate for everyone. As time has passed, but our time with them hasbecome increasingly difficult – especially with a couple who both have pretty sick and needy.

My husband and I are in our 60s and professionally and socially active. We have plenty of our own life and family and social life. This pair has become fragile and vulnerable for the most profound anger appeared on others. If I, who see every two weeks, we have reduced, they say it's the only thing in life that they enjoy. But my husband and Ino and enjoy this time together: Mission is to entertain and listen to their increasingly bitter groans. And when I suggest gentle ways, they do not listen.

What to do? Of course we do not want to hurt her at a time of great need. You have come to look on us as their best friends, but do not see in this way from a distance.

I feel like a coward not clearly define ableto our borders, because I care about their fragility.

Do we have to put up with that, reduce the time with them, but to bite the bullet and again and spend an afternoon with them? We retire quietly? Or the face, but how to do it without hurting them?

We tried to explain that our lives are very different from theirs, and so they are busy, but can not seem to reach them. The reality is, in my view, that they psychological help, but see themselves as superior to this kind of thing. Is your primary protection to distract themselves, and feel as if we have become that for them. Any idea how to handle this I would be grateful.

I contacted Amanda Hawkins, president of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk) and showed him the letter.

His first thoughts were very clear about why you seemed to move, but seem upwith something that is not to plan to.And she wonders how it happened to be terminated. It seems a certain passivity, your letter. Despite say what you want the limits are actually quite clear, that is not what hashappened.

Hawkins says that you seem to have assumed a role, "without a dialogue that takes place. Rather, they seem to be in this role [of taking care of your friends] have grown up."

On the other hand, has a definition of friendship and have a different, and that's the crux, is not it? Hawkins wondered what the "hook", or, in other words, what prevents you just say ". Doing Wecan't" Is it, he asks, "a sense of duty, did not want tobe seen as bad people, or some sortof emotional attachment?"

It also shows that you know what to think to make the relationship more bearable for you. Is the couple to stop disputes? Is this youseethem less? "What was helpful before [friendship] was dirty?" She asks.

Not a bad thing that you care about their fragility, because, frankly, not about people who are sick andvulnerable matter would be much more worrying. I believe you on what you want to change and what is possible to work.

If you have about what you want, thought Hawkins recommends a strategy. "If you do not go away, [you could try] a very sincere conversation starts with:" Thank you for your friendship, we really value, but how can we do this in a way that works for both? '"

Your problems solved

Contact Annalisa Barbieri, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU or email annalisa.barbieri @ mac.com. Annalisa regrets that they can not enter into personal correspondence.

Annalisa on Twitter Follow @ AnnalisaB

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