I lost £ 30,000 trying to have a baby who would not have

Posted by: Newswalle

Most of us have extravagant purchases I have made money for regret. Things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but on the line, wondering what the hell you were thinking.

Very sorry to buy my things changed for me the best part of 30 000 and now, some 18 months later, I still feel bad when I think about it. In my case, but I do not talk to speak of a flash sports car or a closet full of designer clothes. Still, there is something that you are selling and try something money can reclaim. I look forward to talk about fertility treatment. Three cycles of IVF to try to conceive a child, I now know with absolute certainty that I do not.

Like many women, as they approach their 30s, I began to reflect on the theme of the baby. Baby, I just by Sylvia Ann Hewlett hunger, in which he. Strong argument for the fact that the current "have it all" woman faced the prospect of a lonely and unsatisfied middle-aged to read She emphasized the point with some alarming statistics: nearly half of the high performance women had left no children in the United States at the age of 40, most of them bitterly regretted so late.

To make things even more complicated, I am alone, so any trip to motherhood would be a solo adventure. But after careful consideration, I've decided I had to try it. I had to save a beautiful house, a little money, a constant, though not entirely reliable career as a journalist and also I liked the kids, right? I have four nieces, nephews and three godchildren.

41 years old, one of the largest sperm banks I visited in the UK to ask about artificial insemination with donor sperm. I was told that at my age it is unlikely to be successful and that it was better to take in-vitro fertilization.

Although my own eggs were clearly too-hard, and an interactive online tool calculates the chances of IVF success at 2.9% (or look the other way: a 97.1% chance of error), I wanted to use it . No help on the NHS, the shortage of donor sperm in the UK and clinics yet decided sniffy about the treatment of individual women, I decided to go abroad – to Athens. The clinic had a supply of sperm donors – I selected of 6 feet 2 inches, 28 years old, doctor – but the consultant told me that the fibroids that have suffered greatly hindered my chance of succeeding, and would be eliminated . The NHS did not agree, and I ended up spending 8000 with the operation of the private sector.

After healing from surgery and loose, another 2000 or so on drug tests and blood tests without end, I was willing to give me to go through the cycle 4000. Had transmit two "perfect" embryos. I underwent whole thing without trust a soul – NOTMY family, not my closest friends. Now I think my reason was that I stillwasn't convinced that he will do the right thing and was embarrassed by all something. Instead, I stepped aninternet Forum for single women with IVF.

Two weeks after the embryo transfer, a negative pregnancy test showed he knew from the beginning – my body was unable to overcome these impossible odds. While the women I used forum I have been destroyed by a negative cycle, I felt strangely detached. The clinic in Athens had a phone conference with me to discuss my case and future treatment protocol, but when we called they did not answer the call.

A year passed. Two of my closest friends had babies the bench, old (with her husband), and again the sound of a loud clock biological clock was the soundtrack of my life. Some of the older women, the Forum were used with success with eggs from younger donors, mainly from Eastern Europe.

After a short break, when I saw – and dismissed – the assumption traveled back to Athens to another clinic for a second IVF cycle. This time I have eggs from a Polish teacher of 26 years old, and sperm from a Danish student 19 years old. The last part I still feel a little chaotic. I would not have sex with a 19-year-old, so take sperm out of a sense of some very strange way to dream.

Drug protocol is different when egg donation is used and in the second attempt, I had switched my own natural cycle to prevent ovulation, sending my body plunges headlong into a brief but intense menopause. My bones ached, hot flashes were unreal and large doses of progesterone she was constantly taking me dizzy.

Not 2% of the nonsense – but with the eggs and sperm of two of these young, fertile donors were put my chances of success by 60%. Nevertheless, it did not work and another 8000, secured by a loan from my house, was in the pan.

After two cycles, I decided I had had a fair crack at and I move on. Far from being sad and unhappy, I felt happy, content and at peace with my life as a childless singleton.

I wish I could say why, 44 years, I decided to have one last throw and try another IVF cycle. Was it because I get a good job and was earning good money? Was it because I've always regarded 45 as a cutoff and pushed dangerously close to her? Maybe it's because I read somewhere that most women with IVF be successful after three cycles.

Whatever the reason, I've decided to return to the same clinic and try a final cycle with frozen embryos. Again I took the down regulation drugs. This time a few steroids were thrown into the mix to remove my overactive immune system, making balloon from a stone.

The donor was Russian, 20 and a student, while the sperm donor was an architect of 26 years old. Other than that, all I knew was her hair and eye color and height.

On the day of embryo transfer, which had a massive panic attack and told one of the nurses, who did not want to go through it. Confused and with poor English skills, you just say. "You still have to pay"

By the time the counselor entered the room, he was full of enthusiasm. My embryos were thawed among the best he had ever seen. Degrees. He was sure that it would work.

Claudia Connell in his mid-30s. "I wish I could tell you why I decided to have one last litter at the age of 44."

As ridiculous as it sounds, says he no longer wanted them felt somehow rude. So I went ahead with the transfer. In the middle of the process, back, legs in stirrups, my phone rang. It was my elderly neighbor, Patricia, back in London. His alarm was going on and could not remember how to disable it. And so it was that I impregnated me unknown in the absurd situation of embryos while talking to an old lady through the complicated process of turning off the alarm.

Wait During the two weeks before knowing whether the cycle was a success, I ignored Tips for drinking and bathing. In contrast to the first two cycles, I felt nauseous and I began to suspect that it might have worked – and the idea made me mad. Instead of thinking of the nice things about newborns, I was obsessed, like a child who had no biological connection would happen. And if it were really ugly? What if one or both of their biological parents were boring and humorless? None of the Russian women he had met were just happy and carefree. These were the superficial and comfortable things that really should not be, the spirit of every woman disturbing with deep maternal instinct.

In the night I could not sleep, and when I did I had nightmares that I gave birth to deformed half-human, half-animal babies. I decided that if this cycle works, I would have to terminate the pregnancy. I did not want a baby after all.

If the pregnancy test showed a weak positive, instead of the good news began searching for information on Google early abortions.

Concerned that the pregnancy test was not conclusive, advised me my consultant for a blood test to go. The results showed that the pregnancy hormone was not as strong as it should be, and that the pregnancy did not "stick". A week later I had a hard time and it was all over.

I deleted my membership in the forum IVF, I threw all my documents and fertility test results and drew a line under the whole affair sorry.

Today I am glad to not have children. I like my life without children, and I know I would not have been possible a good mother. My body is still under the effects of in-vitro fertilization. I struggled to lose the weight, I have, and it could be a coincidence, but I still suffer from the symptoms of menopause in the relatively young age of 46 years.

Maybe I had to go through the emotional journey of IVF, to discover that I did not want the children, after all. But now I'm broke stony, I can not help but feel it was a very expensive, stupid and miserable way to find out.